Sunday, March 15, 2009

Samantha Fox videology

I've always enjoyed the music of Samantha Fox. Well, most of it, as you will see. All throughout my high school years, I got grief from people for liking her music. "You don't like her music, you like her bodacious tatas". Not true. Granted, she was all right on the eyes, especially when you're a teenage boy and breasts of her size were unusual because we didn't have the ridiculous abundance of the absurd silicon kind like we do nowadays but seriously, I liked, and still like, her music.

How much did I like her music? My car at the time had a cassette player that messed up tapes. So I had two sets of all three of her tapes, one for the car and one for home. Only artist to have the home/road cassettes.

How much did I like her videos? I don't know. I seem to recall seeing Touch Me once and none of the others. With the advent of Youtube, I've been able to catch up on them and I sort of wish I hadn't. These are some pretty awful videos. I'm not talking awful in that they are dated now (even though they are). I'm talking who in the hell came up with the concepts.

Let's start with Touch Me:

Plot: Not much of one. Typical of the era, this video is pretty much a fake concert shot. Sam and her keyboard player spin around in circles a lot which might have some meaning that I don't know.
Subplot: Ferret Boy (that's what I call him because he is built like a ferret and appears to have the brains of one) early on is shocked that Sam comes out on stage (0:38-0:42). Then, at the 1:33 mark, he climbs on stage but then looks totally confused that he got up there ("Wait, this doesn't look like the ferret bathroom"). Sam commands him to touch her but he apparently thinks that it is her jean jacket talking as he grabs it and pulls it. Sam gives up and moves on to her guitar player.
Foxy Wackiness: Someone involved with her videos must have said, "Sam, when people think of Brits, they think of physical humor. Let's inject some fun into your videos". They put her swinging on a rope which, in itself, isn't funny. BUT, they then have Sam drink some water, throw the rest of the glass over her shoulder (because isn't that what everyone does when they can't possibly drink any more water in one gulp) which...this is hilarious....hits the drummer who is still playing the song even though Sam stopped to drink. They could have stopped there but then they have Sam do a spit take to cap it off. A laugh riot!!!!

Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)

Plot: It starts off looking like it could be a West Side Story homage as we have the Gay Latino dance group facing off against the blacks in shiny denim jackets but there's no conflict. Instead, the Latinos do most of the dancing, while the black fellows provide backup vocals and all remain peaceful with no danceoffs or anything. Lots of spinning in circles again.
Subplot: The gayest looking and dressing of them all scores with Sam, or so it's inferred. Mostly she gropes him and he stoically sits around.
Foxy Wackiness: None really except for the pseudo-rapping which is part of the song.

I Only Wanna Be With You

This is arguably the video masterpiece. One of my favorite songs of hers and it was viewing this video for the first time that inspired this post.
Plot: Sam only wants to be with you with you being a whole bunch of guys.
Subplot: Sam really digs a guy who would much rather sit topless in bed with his glasses on doing the New York Times crossword puzzle.
Foxy Wackiness: Good lord, that's what this video is. From the silly faces she makes to the whack-a-mole garbage can game which ends with her upside down in a trashcan with her legs sticking out to the hay to the pillow feathers to the papier mache guy. The fun never stops.

I Surrender

Plot: Sam lives in a bad part of town
Subplot: It's not so bad, really. People push one another around and the sanitation department is on strike but it's safe to walk around at all hours.
Foxy Wackiness: The one minute intro that establishes the horrible conditions of the street she lives on is pretty bad. But from the four minute point on is simply inexplicable.

Hold On Tight

One of my least favorite songs of hers as she tries to make the country music crossover.
Plot: Sam opens up the first 50's-diner style strip club.
Subplot: Someday Goldie Wilson is going to be mayor and clean up this town. He's going to start by cleaning up this diner.
Foxy Wackiness: Swinging in the tire, dancing on the table, the dancing doughnuts. Lot of wacky stuff here.

Do Ya Do Ya (Wanna Please Me)

Plot: Sam takes her limo to a storage unit facility to perform in a concert.
Subplot: Her gay Latino driver who lusts after Sam turns out to be a Latino woman who just longs to be able to dance like Sam.
Foxy Wackiness: At the one minute mark she steps on the guy carrying a speaker. Then at the end they break out the whole water on a band member concept again.

Love House

Plot: Zombie Werner Klemperer runs a house of ill repute.
Subplot: My brain stopped working when I realized how much "French" Samantha Fox looks like Heidi Klum.
Foxy Wackiness: The whole avant garde nature of this video.

For all the entertainment value to be found in the videos, Sam captured it in all it's entirety when she released her fourth album, the painful Just One Night.

I'll end with no comments on the single Hurt Me Hurt Me (But the Pants Stay On)

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