Just once

In the wake of the Craigslist killer (and other killer stories), wouldn't it be a nice change if people saw it coming?

RANDOMTOWN, USA - Neighbors said that it wasn't much of a surprise that Bob "Psychokiller" Rushton, the alleged killer of three people at a Randomtown laundromat, was capable of murdering some strangers over the kind of fabric softener they used.

"They didn't call him "Psychokiller" for nothing. Seriously, that was what we called him before this happened", said Harold Sinclair, 35, a resident of the neighborhood in which Rushton lived. "We would have neighborhood Christmas parties and everyone would be invited except for him. The guy was a lunatic".

Susan Washburn, another neighbor, added, "When Bob moved into the neighborhood with his wife, I baked them some cookies and brought them over. He told me that cookies, much like bacon grease, eggs and hard cheeses, are "foods of the devil". He then smiled that awful, sickeningly evil grin of his and told me that I better get five more dozen over to his place pronto and that "they better be oatmeal this time".

"We stopped seeing his wife around three months later. I asked him about her when I went out to get my paper one day and he told me she vanished because she asked too many questions. Then he said, "Go ahead and ask me what that means. It might put you over your daily limit, though"."

Steve Wyatt, some guy who lives a few states away, called WRDM and said "Dude, I even had heard how bad this guy was and I've never heard of Randomtown or anyone else who lives there".

Rushton was so notoriously bad, many are at a loss as to why he didn't commit more crimes before now. Detective Archimedes Papalopolous-Smith, of the Randomtown Police Department commented that "We'd check out Rushton for every crime that happened here in Randomtown. He probably did them. We were never able to pin anything concrete on him. Even that Halloween where he sat on the roof of his house with a witch's hat and a BB gun and shot at the kids saying "I'll get you and your little dog, too"....nothing. By the time we showed up, he was next door and the neighbors said he had been there all night bobbing for apples. You could tell by the fear in their eyes that he was putting them up to covering for him but what are you going to do?"