Sunday, January 9, 2011

The umpire and the stone gargoyle

The weirdness continues. I woke up this morning at 10 AM. I never, ever, ever sleep that late. It's especially difficult to do so on a Sunday because the church bells from the nearby church will wake you up. Somehow I slept through them. But as if that wasn't enough, I woke face down in a pool of my blood. Why I woke face down is beyond me, too, since I never sleep that way. But apparently I had a bloody nose at some point, a considerable one at that, and I just laid there.

But as if THAT wasn't enough, my first thoughts this morning were, instead of a song (which is usually what's in my head first thing), baseball jokes involving a stone gargoyle.

Why did the umpire call the stone gargoyle out?
Because he stood there looking at a third strike.

What did the stone gargoyle say when the umpire rang him up?
Nothing, he's a stone gargoyle.

Why did the Yankees sign the stone gargoyle?
They wanted better range at shortstop.

Why did the BBWAA elect the stone gargoyle to the Hall of Fame?
Because statistics can't measure the intangibles the stone gargoyle brought to the game. Also, they saw him play and he was feared.

Why did the Royals sign the stone gargoyle?
Because he's part of Dayton Moore's Plan.

Why did the Athletics sign the stone gargoyle?
Because he's one hell of a soccer player.

Why did Jose Canseco not like playing with the stone gargoyle?
The needles kept snapping when he tried to inject steroids into the gargoyle's rear end.

Why did the Nationals sign the stone gargoyle to a 30 year, $2 billion contract?
So that Jayson Werth's contract looks good.

See? Weird.

1 comment:

jtorrey13 said...

I'm very happy it wasn't a song this morning.