Thursday, May 21, 2009

Operation Shutdown

It's nice that Derek Bell has a legacy.

Excess ennui has led me to doing a whole lot of nothing this past week (I say this but Doodle is reading over my shoulder. He asked me what ennui was, then proceeded to put his hand on my forehead to check for the fever that accompanies depression and proclaimed "No sign of depressedness". So I guess I'm all right. Thanks, Dr. Doodle).

Being as Doodle is just now wrapping up third grade, you'll pardon my questioning his medical diagnosis.

This is nothing new for me and I'm fortunate in that it isn't. Having dealt with depression and dysthymia issues in the past on a grander scale than I am now, I'm capable of dealing with it (if you call doing nothing dealing with it. I do. It beats crying, misplaced aggression, suicide intent, and a whole bunch of other negative thing. Zero is greater than negative).

There's so much going on right now, I'm essentially doing it all on my own, and underlying it all is this incredible sense of financial insecurity. It's tough. I'm not special in any way in having problems. It's just that they're my problems and so they feel important.

I need to cut back and prioritize. I'm taking on more than I can handle right now and some if it just isn't necessary.

Along those lines, I have to ask myself why I keep this blog and for whom I am writing. I don't have an answer. I don't know what is important to me right now. For the purposes of this blog, the book reviews (me not reading is like me not breathing) will continue. I also think the Group of 79 project will continue, just not this week. I have two cards in and six requests out which gives me a bunch of posts and it's a fun project for me. I'm not writing enough about baseball because the things I want to write about baseball are too large in scope for a weekly post. Music and cooking....they've sort of fallen by the wayside as far as things about which to write.

I think for now I'm going to cut back to two posts a week for now as far as regularly scheduled things go. Maybe this will change soon. Maybe not. We'll see.

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